Triggers
Triggers are things that cause me to lose my cool. I have a lot of triggers. But I never really thought of myself as having triggers because a lot of things don't bother me. In some ways, I am a very relaxed mom. I don't care about messes. I'm a virgo so I actually LIKE cleaning. It doesn't bother me to pick up shoes scattered around the house and put them back in the shoe box for the 100th time that day. That's a lie, my kids never really wear shoes, but this applies to picking up the same toys, or play-doh crumbles. I don't care what my kids wear when we go out. Want to wear a princess dress to the grocery store? Sure. Want to wear shorts and a tank top to church? No problem. As long as your butt is covered and you won't freeze to death, it's all fine with me.
I had to think back on the past few days and see exactly where I lost my cool. It seemed that I got annoyed/frustrated/angry at the same things over and over again. These are my "triggers".
In no particular order:
1) kids wrestling. This actually stems from anxiety about them getting hurt. But I still regularly lose my cool when they wrestle
2) afternoon lull - kids are bored, I'm bored. We are all hungry and dehydrated
3) bedtime crunch - everyone has to get to bed. End of day stuff needs to get done. I'm fried.
4) Lack of sleep - obviously.
5) Constant noise - as an only child, constant chatter really irritates me and makes it difficult for me to think.
Now that I know what drives me crazy, I had to come up with some things that would help me feel better and help me avoid blowing up at everyone.
1) Hug my kids often - hugging helps calm me down and helps calm them down. It seems that whenever my oldest gets cranky she either needs food, sleep, or a hug. Most everything can be fixed with these three things.
2) Look my kids in the eye - this does two things: it helps us connect to each other so that they can hear me and I can hear them, and it reminds me just how much I love them and how little they really are. It's so easy to look over them or around them when going about my day. And it's easy to talk over them - volume-wise and physically when I need to get something done or when I need them to listen to me. Getting down on their level and actually talking TO them helps us both tremendously.
3) Put my phone down - Stop getting distracted and caught up with other people's lives and start focusing on the life that is in front of me.
4) Take care of myself - Eat food. Drink water. Get some exercise. Meditate.
5) Let it go - bedtime is important but getting to bed 10 minutes late won't hurt any of us. Yelling at my kids hurts both of us.
So now it begins. My journey to stop yelling at my kids. Start loving my kids like a hug. Comforting, inviting, generous, strong, firm.
I had to think back on the past few days and see exactly where I lost my cool. It seemed that I got annoyed/frustrated/angry at the same things over and over again. These are my "triggers".
In no particular order:
1) kids wrestling. This actually stems from anxiety about them getting hurt. But I still regularly lose my cool when they wrestle
2) afternoon lull - kids are bored, I'm bored. We are all hungry and dehydrated
3) bedtime crunch - everyone has to get to bed. End of day stuff needs to get done. I'm fried.
4) Lack of sleep - obviously.
5) Constant noise - as an only child, constant chatter really irritates me and makes it difficult for me to think.
Now that I know what drives me crazy, I had to come up with some things that would help me feel better and help me avoid blowing up at everyone.
1) Hug my kids often - hugging helps calm me down and helps calm them down. It seems that whenever my oldest gets cranky she either needs food, sleep, or a hug. Most everything can be fixed with these three things.
2) Look my kids in the eye - this does two things: it helps us connect to each other so that they can hear me and I can hear them, and it reminds me just how much I love them and how little they really are. It's so easy to look over them or around them when going about my day. And it's easy to talk over them - volume-wise and physically when I need to get something done or when I need them to listen to me. Getting down on their level and actually talking TO them helps us both tremendously.
3) Put my phone down - Stop getting distracted and caught up with other people's lives and start focusing on the life that is in front of me.
4) Take care of myself - Eat food. Drink water. Get some exercise. Meditate.
5) Let it go - bedtime is important but getting to bed 10 minutes late won't hurt any of us. Yelling at my kids hurts both of us.
So now it begins. My journey to stop yelling at my kids. Start loving my kids like a hug. Comforting, inviting, generous, strong, firm.
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