Love Like A Hug

I have zero follow through. I mean, zero. I get really excited about something and will throw my whole self into it for a while, then I just give up and leave it alone. Even things that I really, really want to do. I've been doing some research on it and I'm wondering if maybe it's part of my depression???? This one site said it has a lot to do with your personality and had mentioned this book that I am maybe going to get a chance to read one day. But I'm not really ready to do that just yet. So I'm trying to find tips and tricks to add to my day that will help me follow through with something. One suggestion was to make your day like a latter where what you normally do - want to do do really bad - is at the top of the ladder and you add the things you want to become a habit as the bottom rungs. She used the example of getting more exercise and drinking more water as something she wanted to do. The thing that she always did, and really wanted to do was eat lunch. ...

I have suffered from mild depression since I was 18. Writing that actually makes me cringe because that means that I have had depression for 20 years. None of it has been medicated. And I think that is probably a huge problem for me. With my previous pregnancies and post partum periods I know that I have had PPD, but due to the medical crap hole of kaiser mental health I was never treated. One thing I really like about my current Doc is that their office will treat/medicate as needed without having to jump through hoops. Assuming that I stay with this doc, I am going to try the medication. I know that I need it and I really think that it will help. But until then, I find myself losing myself. Staying at home is not really good for my mental health. I need more to do and more interaction in order to have a healthy outlook on life. That isn't to say that I don't love my kids and that I want to be away from them all day, because I definitely do not, but I am turning to mush just...

I have let writing slide a bit, for no other reason than I just got lazy and there were a few things coming up which made my brain stop working. I just stopped feeling motivated to work - or to even think. With birthdays coming up, waiting for my planner, waiting for my parents, fighting with M, and still being unsure about this pregnancy, I haven't felt like doing anything but sit and veg. My planner came! it is HUGE! I got the medium size because I wanted to actually be able to write in it -so it's the right size for that; but, it is much bigger than I am used to. I am trying to use it to get more organized and to keep track of what I'm doing. I do wish it was a tiny bit smaller but I know that it probably wouldn't be as easy to use or write in. I do need to get a few paper clips so that I can get to the pages I need to easier. Birthdays have come and gone, my parents have come and gone, but life around here just keeps going on. Nothing really changes. That is bot...

So it turns out that the county fair is always over Labor Day Weekend. That is great because now I don't have to remember when it is. It's a SUPER TINY fair. Most of the fair is 4H animals. Lots of chickens, cows, sheep, goats, pigs, and rabbits. There is a small exhibit hall with pictures and quilts and knick knacks. I think there were 5 food trucks and there was one beer garden - but you had to drink the beer in the garden. The only beer selection was Coors and Budweiser. Not worth sitting in the beer garden for. We watched one of the shows. People were riding horses and shooting at Balloons. It was interesting by E was afraid of the noise. The favorites of the fair were the Hot Dogs, soda, cotton candy, and the carousel. E and I on the feris wheel H and M on the feris wheel H and M on the Carousel.

OK, so I think this will be the last day I'm tracking my "No Yell Challenge". I'm quite happy that I made it a week without yelling, and know that seven days is a far cry from 365 days, but I think that I am focusing on the wrong thing. Well, not that I am focusing on the "wrong" thing, but I am only focusing on part of the picture. I think that is ok to begin with though. It's good to start small and work your way up to fixing other things. I'm still going to finish reading The Orange Rhino and incorporate her tips and tricks into my life. But I am also going to start focusing on my main goal - Love Like a Hug. I'm still so wishy-washy in all things. I am not firm enough in my discipline and that makes me get frustrated beyond measure and that is usually what makes me blow my lid. Some things that I really want to stop: arguing back talking  rude talking hitting people/animals So most of this revolves around me letting H be disrespe...