Day 1.3
Why does this have to be so hard?
So far I don't have to restart tomorrow. Although maybe I should??? H was acting out a bit and then threw a major fit when I took away her TV privledges for the morning. That turned into a major temper tantrum and she ended up hitting E on the head for which she then needed a time-out. Of course that didn't go ever too well either. It turned into a major tantrum at that point. A very long and very loud tantrum. I did not scream or yell or lose my cool. I was VERY firm. Maybe a bit too firm. Once H started calming down she said that she wouldn't do her time-out till I started talking nicely. So I guess my "firm" voice was a "mean" voice? Or maybe it was in her eyes? I'm not going to use this as an excuse to start over but more as something to learn from.
My goal, my motto, is to Love Like A Hug. Hugs are firm. . . but they are also gentle and caring. I need to be more gentle and caring when disciplining. I have a hard time balancing the two. I am either too soft or too hard. I need to learn to find the happy and comfortable middle. I feel like I can do that with E, but I think that maybe my fuse is shorter with H because we have more of a history and because she is older so I expect a bit more.
One of the tips from the Orange Rhino was to post pictures of your kids as babies around the house so that you can remember how much you love them. It also helps to say their age when you are talking to them so that you remember how little they really are. I need to start doing that -I need to start remembering exactly how young H is. In some ways she seems so mature to me, so I forget that she is still just a baby. A baby whose brain has only just begun to develop. And trauma during development can really scar someone for life. And what can be more traumatic than having your mom yell at you??? The one person who is supposed to love you no matter what. How scary that must be. Granted, I tell her I love her all the time. I hug and cuddle her too, but I know it's not enough. She NEEDS a lot of physical touch for reassurance. She also needs a lot of praise. So a grumpy/frustrated/angry mom would really be upsetting to someone who needs outside reassurances. This just reinforces my resolve to be a better mom to my kids.
So far I don't have to restart tomorrow. Although maybe I should??? H was acting out a bit and then threw a major fit when I took away her TV privledges for the morning. That turned into a major temper tantrum and she ended up hitting E on the head for which she then needed a time-out. Of course that didn't go ever too well either. It turned into a major tantrum at that point. A very long and very loud tantrum. I did not scream or yell or lose my cool. I was VERY firm. Maybe a bit too firm. Once H started calming down she said that she wouldn't do her time-out till I started talking nicely. So I guess my "firm" voice was a "mean" voice? Or maybe it was in her eyes? I'm not going to use this as an excuse to start over but more as something to learn from.
My goal, my motto, is to Love Like A Hug. Hugs are firm. . . but they are also gentle and caring. I need to be more gentle and caring when disciplining. I have a hard time balancing the two. I am either too soft or too hard. I need to learn to find the happy and comfortable middle. I feel like I can do that with E, but I think that maybe my fuse is shorter with H because we have more of a history and because she is older so I expect a bit more.
One of the tips from the Orange Rhino was to post pictures of your kids as babies around the house so that you can remember how much you love them. It also helps to say their age when you are talking to them so that you remember how little they really are. I need to start doing that -I need to start remembering exactly how young H is. In some ways she seems so mature to me, so I forget that she is still just a baby. A baby whose brain has only just begun to develop. And trauma during development can really scar someone for life. And what can be more traumatic than having your mom yell at you??? The one person who is supposed to love you no matter what. How scary that must be. Granted, I tell her I love her all the time. I hug and cuddle her too, but I know it's not enough. She NEEDS a lot of physical touch for reassurance. She also needs a lot of praise. So a grumpy/frustrated/angry mom would really be upsetting to someone who needs outside reassurances. This just reinforces my resolve to be a better mom to my kids.
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