Love Like A Hug
Kids are awesome. Raising kids is tough.
I've always considered myself to be a strong person. I've done what I wanted with my life even when it's not what my peers were doing. I got into a field of work that required a lot of emotional soul-searching on a regular basis. I stayed in that field of work for 15 years when the average is 2-3. I've moved many times, often far away from family and friends. I'm not a weak person.
But raising kids has brought me to my knees time and time again. It has shown me where I'm failing as a person and as a mom. I've seen myself become someone I never wanted to be. I was easily frustrated, short tempered, condescending, grumpy, irritated, annoyed, exhausted, hungry, and I yelled far more often than I'd like to admit. And my kids are only 4 and 2; so I still have a long way to go. And I don't want to be this person any longer.
I found myself desperately searching for something... anything...that would help calm me down and bring me back to the person I was. But the problem was that I was never going to be that person again. I had actually moved passed her on the way to motherhood and I would never be able to be the non-mother again. I had grown as a person in so many ways and I need to find out how to be a better new me.
After googling "how to stop yelling at your kids" for the 100th (1000th?) time I came across a book called "Yell less, Love More" by The Orange Rhino. I immediately started reading it and I became hooked after reading the opening letter. In it she explained her challenge to herself and her family to stop yelling for 365 consecutive days. She also described her life after her challenge. I was jealous. I wanted that new life for myself and my family too.
I decided that I needed to stop yelling at my kids and that I needed to challenge myself as well. I wanted to challenge myself to stop yelling for 30 days. But I knew that wasn't long enough. I didn't want to stop yelling at my kids for only 30 days. I wanted to stop yelling forever. I wanted to be calm and loving when disciplining my kids, not throwing a tantrum myself. So I made a pact with myself to stop yelling for 365 consecutive days too. And to be honest, I felt very overwhelmed when I wrote that down. It seemed impossible to do. But once I actually decided to stop yelling a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I found myself taking some really really deep breaths. Breaths that I hadn't taken in years. My brain fog cleared and my heart opened and I felt empowered to be the woman, wife, and mom that I always wanted to be.
Laying there in bed, excited about this new chapter in my life, it suddenly came to me that I wanted to love my family like a hug. I didn't want to be the wimpy pushover mom that lost her cool after constantly being tried and tested. I wanted to be warm, caring, available, and firm. Have you ever had a wimpy hug? It's not effective and doesn't feel very good. I decided that I was going to be a hug for my family. I was going to love them like a good strong hug.
I've always considered myself to be a strong person. I've done what I wanted with my life even when it's not what my peers were doing. I got into a field of work that required a lot of emotional soul-searching on a regular basis. I stayed in that field of work for 15 years when the average is 2-3. I've moved many times, often far away from family and friends. I'm not a weak person.
But raising kids has brought me to my knees time and time again. It has shown me where I'm failing as a person and as a mom. I've seen myself become someone I never wanted to be. I was easily frustrated, short tempered, condescending, grumpy, irritated, annoyed, exhausted, hungry, and I yelled far more often than I'd like to admit. And my kids are only 4 and 2; so I still have a long way to go. And I don't want to be this person any longer.
I found myself desperately searching for something... anything...that would help calm me down and bring me back to the person I was. But the problem was that I was never going to be that person again. I had actually moved passed her on the way to motherhood and I would never be able to be the non-mother again. I had grown as a person in so many ways and I need to find out how to be a better new me.
After googling "how to stop yelling at your kids" for the 100th (1000th?) time I came across a book called "Yell less, Love More" by The Orange Rhino. I immediately started reading it and I became hooked after reading the opening letter. In it she explained her challenge to herself and her family to stop yelling for 365 consecutive days. She also described her life after her challenge. I was jealous. I wanted that new life for myself and my family too.
I decided that I needed to stop yelling at my kids and that I needed to challenge myself as well. I wanted to challenge myself to stop yelling for 30 days. But I knew that wasn't long enough. I didn't want to stop yelling at my kids for only 30 days. I wanted to stop yelling forever. I wanted to be calm and loving when disciplining my kids, not throwing a tantrum myself. So I made a pact with myself to stop yelling for 365 consecutive days too. And to be honest, I felt very overwhelmed when I wrote that down. It seemed impossible to do. But once I actually decided to stop yelling a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I found myself taking some really really deep breaths. Breaths that I hadn't taken in years. My brain fog cleared and my heart opened and I felt empowered to be the woman, wife, and mom that I always wanted to be.
Laying there in bed, excited about this new chapter in my life, it suddenly came to me that I wanted to love my family like a hug. I didn't want to be the wimpy pushover mom that lost her cool after constantly being tried and tested. I wanted to be warm, caring, available, and firm. Have you ever had a wimpy hug? It's not effective and doesn't feel very good. I decided that I was going to be a hug for my family. I was going to love them like a good strong hug.
Comments
Post a Comment